Love Ourselves Back into Wholeness

What we have to learn from wildfires in our life

Sande Hart

When we read a book about a philosophy that professes solutions to heal us from a variety of ailments, obstacles, or conditions that we feel are preventing us from thriving, we expect the outcome to free us from that thing in order to get us closer to living a life in flow. But what if that ailment is where the flow lives? What if we have been trying to rid ourselves from some of life’s most potent experiences? What if we are looking at the problem all wrong?

Who among us have not said, “I want life to flow with ease?” What if we shift our perception of the condition that is creating what appears to be the blockage? What if it is not an obstacle to eliminate, but an invitation to alchemize?

Recently I wrote about an incident I was presented with where something did not go my way (understatement) and it tossed me into a topsy-turvy experience that would have had me banned from ever again writing a book about self-realization, regulating the nervous system, not falling victim to circumstance, shifting perspective, healing generational healing, and expanding life’s mundane moments into miraculous experiences. A fire raged inside of me. I heard the sirens and felt the shards of glass in my gut. I committed mutiny on my heart and vital organs. I knew what was going on, yet something inside of me let this fire continue to roar. When I cooled down, I recognized the wound as an old acquaintance, and could see why it needed my attention like never before. I came to accept that I needed the heat to burn through that which was left unhealed before. Or course it had to appear in such a profound way. My illusions of control and unrealistic expectations became surprisingly clear to me. In retrospect, my soul tried to present me with healing opportunities for years, maybe decades, but I bypassed it each time. I hadn’t realized how unhealed that part of me was and how easy it was to bypass. Of course it could not live in me any longer, so it tried to burn its house down.

Women and men alike have been duped by patriarchy’s charms to believe that if we suffer, lose our grace, or flip our lid, we are falling short, are wrong, or not doing life right. We run to the pharmacy and/or books to swallow the pain and suffering. Self-help authors lead us to believe theirs is the solution to the end game.

What if life is the game and we are practicing the right skills they enrich our lives with but with the wrong focus and expectations?

The moment between the struck match and the wildfire (the circumstance and response) is what I call the “sweet spot.” It’s the place of liminality, the place in-between crisis and choice, dilemma and action. I coach and write about that hot second that, when alchemized, can expand into a spacious cool place of awe and wonder about what is before us. (i.e.; the odyssey part of my book the The Liminal Odyssey) We are not activated because we operate at a different frequency than the circumstance. Yet, having spent years with this knowledge, and seen it proven time and time again with myself and others, I was reminded of the power of those times when the unhealed parts of ourselves can’t be ignored any longer and resort to igniting an inferno.

Sure, take all the skills and personal stories I have splayed out before you in my book, read and learn from every other author in the world as well. Each of these pathways, solutions, methods, get us closer to knowing ourselves, but be clear, the ailment that you wish annihilated is there to point you to the wound. It will continue to resurface until you give it the attention it is crying out for. Don’t ignore it. Remember, that discomfort is where the flow of life is! Stay with it. Change its meaning. Acknowledge its roots and hold it like you are comforting a crying child. That wound helps to make up all of your beautiful parts, so why wouldn’t you want to love it back into wholeness.